Following My Bliss

    Life is good, like, really good.  A few short months ago though, life was not so good. A little under a year ago in the spring time, I accepted my offer to graduate school, was wrapping up my undergraduate degree and attempting to remotely manage my  transition to Chicago without actually having been to the Windy City before.  In May of 2010, I walked and accepted my degree.  Two weeks later, one of my dear friends passed away in her sleep from a pulmonary embolism.  There were no signs, no symptoms- it just happened.   My heart and mind became utter chaos for the next 8 months.

    I touched ground in Chicago in August, never having met my roomies or seeing my apartment beforehand.  I had no idea my apartment was on the third floor with no elevator or air conditioning.  The city was unfamiliar, overwhelming and huge- I thought it would be exciting and fun to explore, but I spent most of those first few months watching The Office on Netflix, sweating without air conditioning drinking wine and not sure how to feel about myself or my situation.  I was hoping my new life would distract me from the old one- but my ghosts remained.  My old life still remained on my life- I attempted not to miss home and assured everyone I was fine.  I worried about my family and friends back home and I missed them terribly.  The knowledge that I would never get to see my friend again made the isolation even greater- life had been irreparably changed. I didn't even know where to start first.  Do I deal with the loss of the life I had, and the missing and longing for comfort and familiarity- some of which could never be recreated?   Do I tackle the feelings of sheer overwhelm due to limited income and a challenging new graduate program (which also stressed my finances).  Nothing was familiar or comfortable- I was going to a new university, in a new part of the country, I got a new job in a part of the city I had little familiarity with and I knew absolutely no one in the city at the time.  I had no idea where to start- so I got a boyfriend. (More on this later, if it's ever worth discussing again).  Needless to say, the inevitable breakup only made things worse.  It unearthed all of the insecurities, feelings of loss and loneliness I had tried to bury.  Eventually, I came to the realization I couldn't hide anymore.


   In late January I began taking steps towards my bliss.  I realized that nobody could do it for me, nor was my depression serving anyone.  My life felt out of control- and I needed to grab the reigns.  I knew what I needed to do but I had the normal slew of excuses; a tight budget, time constraints and plain old fear- but eventually you get sick and tired of being sick and tired and you make it work.  I have no carved time out in my schedule for yoga, fostering a fabulous pug named Ralph and get-togethers with my new friends.  I blog regularly to empty my mind, and then I read informational and inspirational books to fill myself up again.  


  My life has completely changed- it will never be the same as it was back home a year and a half ago, but the bliss? That remains the same and I am going to follow it down whatever path this new life leads me to.

Note to Self:  Get someone to take better pictures of me.